From racing to riding... the training diary of an off the track Standardbred

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Just A Memory

I write this post with a heavy heart and watery eyes. Jet has happily settled into his new home and I am so glad that he has so many people that love and care about him.. Even though I know I made the right decision for both me and him, I feel completely empty and lost. I know he is not "gone," but it is as though he has vanished form my life.

When something so influential in your every day life ceases to exist, you can't help but feel lost and confused. I went from seeing Jet every single day to not seeing him at all. I don't know what to do. My poor new horse is getting the effects of this. My overall desire to ride and simply be around horses has significantly plummeted. The last time Jet left us, I stopped riding for 6 months. I am doing everything in my power to make sure that doesn't happen again.

Having a new project horse has helped me stay with it and carry on with my life. Don't get me wrong, I like my new horse, but he isn't Jet. I don't have the bond with the new guy that I had with Jet and I truly don't think I ever will. I don't love this new horse. Maybe I will someday, but I don't right now. In my mind, it seems like I tried to replace Jet with the new horse. Now I am realizes that the idea of replacing Jet is not even remotely possible.

Strangely enough, the thing I miss the most isn't the riding. It isn't all of the shows. It isn't the ribbons we won or the lessons we had. Just being around Jet and standing next to him as he sniffed my body from head to toe....him putting his nostril to my nose and breathing in each other's scent...him gently touching my face...licking my hand...scratching my scratching him all over for hours as he moved to show me where he wanted to be scratched....long in-hand walks through the woods and around the street... that is what I miss the most. That is what I can't get back, but that is what I will keep in my mind as just a few of the happy memories that I shared with my heart horse.